| For a few years I taught a one-day continuing education course entitled Maintaining Change. My students were licensed clinicians and thus possessed considerable knowledge about the change process. They agreed that there was a voluminous amount of material on the topic of making change, but very little on the topic of maintaining change. It is as if we believe that, once we begin to make a change, it is a done deal. If we read a book about weight loss, effective management techniques, or keeping life simple, we will do it and easily maintain this change. Is this the way this works for you? Do you decide to make a change, learn how to do it, and then successfully make and maintain the change? If this is the case, stop reading this section - it does not apply to you.
If you struggle with maintaining the changes that you begin, continue to read. There is additional information on this topic on the wellness page and throughout this site.
During the mid-seventies, while working in a therapeutic community for substance abusers, I formulated a simple contract with the following steps.
1) The behavior that I wish to change is.....
2) The support that I need to make and maintain this change is.....
3) The amount of time it will take me to make this change is .....
4) After making this change, I will look, act, and feel differently in the following ways:
5) If I fail to make this change, I will have sabotaged this change by .....(thoughts and behaviors)
6) Realizing that there are areas in my life where I have maintained change, I will use my successes by .............
This is a simple contract. One may note that step 5 makes the assumption that one has previously attempted to make the change in question. By the time most people are willing to really get serious about maintaining a change, they have a few attempts under their belt.
Step six requires us to look at our success in maintaining other changes and to determine what factors led to our success, regardless of the duration of the success. We all have frames-of-reference for maintaining change, but we must identify them and then replicate them in new areas. Build on your successes and take the focus off of your failures.
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Tools for Maintaining Change
Have you ever made a New Year's resolution, only to break it during the first week of January? We often make a decision to change something - to begin or to cease a behavior. There are a few techniques that assist us when we are committed to change something about ourselves.
It is preferable to tell someone about the change that we are attempting to make. Note that the contract for change (stated earlier) includes the support of others. Support cannot occur unless others know of our desire and plans to change. You can be specific as to the type of support that you want. Never assume that, once telling a person or group about your plans to make a change, you will receive the type of support that you desire. If you ask for the type of support that works best for you, you are more likely to receive and utilize the support.
Many people have told me that they join a gym or purchase a piece of exercise equipment every few years and begin an exercise program. However, they never keep going. This is a common problem and there are usually no easy answers.
I recommend my new book as shown at the top of this page. This is a sure way to get a grip on maintaining the changes that you have been struggling with for years.
Before the book is available, take a look at understanding your personality. If you aren't familiar with the Myers Briggs Type Inventory, this simple test will tell you some interesting facets about your personality including the following:
1) What stimulates you
2) What is significant for you to know
3) How you make decisions
4) The way you handle your life
Knowing yourself and how your personality affects your ability to make and to maintain change is a eye-opening experience. Many of our childhood experiences teach us how to maintain change.
When I was a child, I assisted my father in building fences. Most were constructed of wooden posts and wire. When metal fence is unrolled and spread in front of the posts that have been firmly planted into the ground, the metal wire must be stretched with great force prior to being nailed onto the posts. If the fence isn’t taut, it will immediately sag.
I recall my father using a fence stretching device that he referred to as a “come-a-long”. One end of this device would be attached to an immovable object and the other would be connected to a 4”X 4” post with the fence nailed to it. My father would pull a lever on this device and it would slowly pull the fence, thus stretching it tightly in front of the fence post. When the fence was taut, I would hammer the tightly stretched wire, using “U” shaped nails, to the post. An interesting facet to the come-a-long was that, although the resistance was great when the fence was fully stretched, its operator could let go of the lever to rest and nothing would happen. The stretch was maintained; it would not slip. This was due to a mechanism that caused a piece of metal to fall into the teeth of a gear with each tightening motion of the lever. Car jacks that crank, instead of turn, work on the same principle. This mechanism is fairly common and prevents slippage during the process of moving great resistance - whether it is due to stretching metal wire or lifting a great weight. This mechanical example came to me as I prepared my class on the topic of maintaining change.
When people are initiating a change in their life, they need to consider the possibility of slippage and determine ways to prevent it. Plateaus during the change process can be expected, but slipping backwards isn’t always necessary. Although losing ground during change may not be the worst thing that can happen, it should be avoided if possible. Therefore, the challenge is to determine what mechanism(s) in your life can serve the same purpose as the come-a-long. What will allow you the luxury of stopping your effort without losing progress? What will allow you to stop, to rest, and then continue? Suppose you catch the flu, have to leave town due to a family crisis, or must tend to a number of unexpected problems that don’t allow you to give energy to your change process? What is the mechanism that will hold your progress steady until you can continue?
I have a section on this site entitled “continuous progress”. If one was to longitudinally chart "real life" continuous progress, it would look somewhat like a chart of a good mutual fund. It, over time, moves up. Slippage occurs, but should be limited. Take a look at your personal development of devices (mental, emotional physical and spiritual) that will prevent slippage in your change process. Write these down, discuss, and fine-tune them. Make this an area of your life where you make continuous progress.
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